#OregoniansAgainstRain Foiled In An Interesting Way

#OregoniansAgainstRain was formed as a Political Action Committee while I was watching my sons lacrosse practices. We had several weeks where it rained any time a lacrosse related activity was going on. The PAC seemed to work pretty good. All of you came together and gave massive amounts of cold hard cash, cash that I put to work. Sammy, the weather mage who lives on the sidewalk near where I work got a chunk. Our Free Umbrella For All campaign, because everyone knows that Rain hates umbrellas, and the scores of votive candles at St. Francis Chapel of the Perpetually damp.

We've been getting some very nice weather for lacrosse the last couple of weeks. In fact it's been almost the opposite of what it had been. It would rain all day until lacrosse, and then it would clear up. I'll take that every time.

Today we had a game and the weather looked like it might be touch and go. It wasn't raining, but the sky was gray and threatening. It looked like it could open up at any time. I greased Sammy, handed out umbrellas, and lit candles for St. Agricola of Avignon. I felt pretty good. We got there in plenty of time, the weather looked good, if still very overcast.

So what happened? The team they were supposed to play had showed up at the field an hour before, and seeing no one there to play they left. Up and split. What do you say to that? I could almost hear Rain laughing at me. I think it held up on purpose. I think it's been following my progress with #OregoniansAgainstRain and now it's getting it's revenge. I'm living in dread of Rains PAC. #RainAgainstOregonians. No one wants to see that.

Alright, that's enough anthropomorphizing rain, but I'm still watching. I'm still watching.

Sunny Skies and Make Believe PAC's

Well we had a lacrosse game today where it did not rain. Not a bit, not a drop. Thanks to the bribes doled out by my new Political Action Committee, #OregoniansAgainstRain, the weather was bright and sunny. It was a little cold but that's not our problem. Let the cold weather wimps put together their own group.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Who do you pay to get nice weather?" Well let me tell you, that's a fantastic question. Turns out there's a fellow just outside my place of employment who's more than willing to promise me nice weather for a nominal fee. I'm sure the donations to St. Anthony's helped (as well as the candles, don't forget the candles), and the money spent on my new jacket was the icing on the cake. Everyone knows that preparation is the key to stopping rain in it's tracks. It's like washing the car when you want rain, only in reverse. (On a side note, the only thing that frightens rain more than a good waterproof jacket is a sturdy umbrella, but my Oregonian cred would take a dramatic hit if I picked up one of those.) We keep track of these things so we'll know who to go to when the rains come again.

Turns out lacrosse isn't all that bad once you're not being rained on. Very enjoyable way to spend an evening. We took pictures of the game which may have been a mistake. There was one penalty called during the game, but when we got home and took a look at the pictures, we found several stick infractions.

Now I suppose there are a great many things you can do with your stick that may be called an infraction, but what I'm talking about is pretty straight forward. We have pictures of sticks hitting shoulders and arms. Pictures of sticks being jabbed into sides and stomachs, and we have one picture of a stickhead being speared directly into a facemask. I know I don't know all the rules of this game yet, but I'm fairly certain that's not allowed. Judging solely by the photographic evidence it's amazing there were any survivors.

I have been heard to say 'If you're not cheating, you're not trying', and 'It's only cheating if you get caught.' I even tweeted the infamous line from Jessee "The Body" Ventura, 'Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!' But when it's staring you right in the face, (or glowing at you from a computer screen) it can make you question yourself. Maybe it will get you to take a good, stern look at your core values. It may even shift you a little bit. Not a lot mind you, but a little. Then again, maybe there's not a lot wrong with wanting the referee's to earn their game checks.

Well then, I guess that's something I'll have to mull over.
Until next time,
Cheers!

This Rain Can Stop Now

As a mostly native Oregonian, (I was born in Seattle and moved to Oregon when I was 5) I have seen most of what this state, specifically the Willamette Valley, has to offer as far as weather is concerned. I've seen droughts in summer, flooding in winter, rain that brought land slides blocking the coast range and causing major detours. I've seen winds that blew down trees, ice thick enough to collapse power lines, and just a couple of years back two weeks of snow that brought this town to a complete stand still, but this year has taken the cake.

They call it La Niña, and it brings extra wet weather to the Pacific Northwest. Those of us who live here understand that wet winters and springs are par for the course. There is no hope for summer until after The Rose Festival. That's Portland's party that happens from early to mid June. We make up for it by having some of the most beautiful summers on earth, but to get to summer you have to go through spring and years like this try men's souls. The weather has been cold and damp all winter and to make matters worse Cam has picked this year to try his hand at Lacrosse.

I'm all for Lacrosse, I love the running (for him), the eye hand coordination, and the team play it requires. The only thing I don't like about it is that it is played outdoors rain or shine. We haven't had too much of the latter this year. I think there have been a total of three Lacrosse days this year when it hasn't rained at least a little. A typical practice is an hour and a half of rain followed by a soggy trip home. Nothing gets a chance to dry out and I swear we are going to end up with the entire practice field being brought home on his cleats. I'm going to need to figure some kind of a way to handle all of the wetness. Until I do there will be more #OregoniansAgainstRain showing up on @MacBeerchill's twitter feed, and for sure there will be more whining. Fair Notice!

Things You Learn

I've made a discovery. I'm not proud of it. I thought I was a real Oregonian. We pride ourselves on our ability to take a little rain. Anything from a downpour to the more typical drenching drizzle. Turns out I'm a weather wimp.

The evidence:

My office recently moved from the suburbs to a building in downtown Stumptown. I wasn't sure I'd like it, but now that we're here I can't imagine working anywhere else. It's a giant sundae covered in Awesome sauce. So much to do and see. In fact there is so much to do and see that I'm spending time outdoors, walking, in the weather. Didn't do much walking outdoors in the burbs. Now I'm looking hungrily at those posers with umbrellas.

My son took up lacrosse this spring. "No problem", I thought, "I'm a youth sports vet. Three seasons of youth football, standing on the sidelines. Piece of cake." As I stood shivering in the rain yesterday I thought back to those three seasons and realized that I had only been rained on three times. That's three times over those three seasons. I've been rained on twice now in lacrosse and he's only had two outdoor practices.

I don't know what to say. I'm the guy who wears the shorts all winter long. I'm the guy that doesn't get cold as long as he's got a knit cap on. This is doing horrible things to my self image. It's something I'm going to need to work through.

In the meantime, if you see someone that reminds you of me, holding an umbrella, just walk away. It'll save us both a lot of embarrassment.