Friday, December 23, 2011

Thanks Be to You NBA Network

Happy Friday All! This is my first day of Christmas vacation. I walked the dog, got some breakfast and decided to sit down and relax. NBA network was showing  the Detroit Pistons Vs the Chicago Bulls from Christmas day 1990. The game was good. It really reminded me of just how good Michael Jordan was, and how annoying Bill Laimbeer was. Chuck Daly on Detroits bench, a young Phil Jackson wearing a bow tie, and Marv Alberts doing play by play.

The game was good, then they went to commercial. I tuned them out and read some email until some guy named Vince came on and started selling the Slap Chop. I think the line that really puts this over the top for me is at around the 35 second mark. "Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Oh lord, please give me the strength to not strangle Vince if I ever see him in person.

During another break NBA network put on an ad for a product called Insta Slim. This is a tank top made out of an elastic, spandex type material that sucks in your gut for you. As a middle aged guy with a couple of extra pounds around my middle, and a desire for a fix that doesn't involve exercise or eating responsibly I was interested. I waited for it through the entire commercial and they didn't say it once. Not one time did they call this product what it was. A girdle. (I would also have accepted corset, though that would have been less accurate.) If they're not going to call it what it is, I'm not going to buy it.

As with so many other things, bad ad's on NBA network come in three's. The third one during this game was for a product called Max Tall Shoe Inserts. I was just sitting there minding my own business and I hear this from my TV, "Guys Pay Attention. How would you like to have an extra two inches?" (Go ahead and click the link it's right at the beginning of the video.) Yeah, that's all it took to drag me in. I thought the email spam I used to get in the 90's had migrated to the NBA Network. Turns out this product is for an insert you can put into your shoes to make yourself taller. According to the commercial this makes you more attractive to women, and men will listen to you more in business meetings.

Thanks NBA Network! It's been a long time since I've had my insecurities played on so obviously. For the record, I will not be buying any of these products...though that Slap Chop does look tempting.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Much Ado About Tebow

It's time for me to confess; I have been going out of my way to watch the Denver Broncos play since Tim Tebow was named the starter. Full disclosure, I am a Seattle Seahawks fan, and I've been watching the NFL since 1985. I referred to John Elway as Horse Face from then until his second Super Bowl win, and even passed that. It came out again today when I saw him watching his new star in action from a luxury box at Mile High Stadium. Long story short, I truly hate the Denver Broncos. So when I say that I'm going out of my way to watch the Denver Broncos I want you to understand how extraordinary that is.

Since being named the starter Tim Tebow has led the Broncos to a 7-1 record including 4th quarter comebacks over Miami, New York Jets, San Diego, Minnesota, and the latest victim Chicago. My personal favorite was the win over Kansas City where Tebow completed 2 of his 8 passes and still managed to win the game. A truly awful performance, but still must see TV.

The part that I'm enjoying the most is watching former players and coaches on the pre and post game shows. They seem to be about evenly split between Tebow haters and Tebow believers. Tom Jackson on ESPN has been waxing on about Tebow since his win over the Jets, and it's eating Keyshawn Johnson and Chris Carter alive. Over on NFL Network Warren Sapp is left shaking his head in disbelief. "Assignment football, that's all it is." Meaning that if everyone on the defense stays home and does their job Tebow's style of offense won't work. Less vocal, but almost as upset, is Marshall Faulk. He has been rendered almost silent.

 I'm guessing New England is going to go in to Denver next week and beat the snot out of the Broncos. Once that happens who knows what the next step is. The Broncos may collapse and miss the playoffs, but I hope they don't. I mean can you imagine if Denver wins out, gets a good seed going into the playoffs and makes it to the super big game? I'd watch every game, and when they met the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl XLVI, I'll be rooting for Green Bay... and Tim Tebow.