Friday, December 23, 2011

Thanks Be to You NBA Network

Happy Friday All! This is my first day of Christmas vacation. I walked the dog, got some breakfast and decided to sit down and relax. NBA network was showing  the Detroit Pistons Vs the Chicago Bulls from Christmas day 1990. The game was good. It really reminded me of just how good Michael Jordan was, and how annoying Bill Laimbeer was. Chuck Daly on Detroits bench, a young Phil Jackson wearing a bow tie, and Marv Alberts doing play by play.

The game was good, then they went to commercial. I tuned them out and read some email until some guy named Vince came on and started selling the Slap Chop. I think the line that really puts this over the top for me is at around the 35 second mark. "Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life." Oh lord, please give me the strength to not strangle Vince if I ever see him in person.

During another break NBA network put on an ad for a product called Insta Slim. This is a tank top made out of an elastic, spandex type material that sucks in your gut for you. As a middle aged guy with a couple of extra pounds around my middle, and a desire for a fix that doesn't involve exercise or eating responsibly I was interested. I waited for it through the entire commercial and they didn't say it once. Not one time did they call this product what it was. A girdle. (I would also have accepted corset, though that would have been less accurate.) If they're not going to call it what it is, I'm not going to buy it.

As with so many other things, bad ad's on NBA network come in three's. The third one during this game was for a product called Max Tall Shoe Inserts. I was just sitting there minding my own business and I hear this from my TV, "Guys Pay Attention. How would you like to have an extra two inches?" (Go ahead and click the link it's right at the beginning of the video.) Yeah, that's all it took to drag me in. I thought the email spam I used to get in the 90's had migrated to the NBA Network. Turns out this product is for an insert you can put into your shoes to make yourself taller. According to the commercial this makes you more attractive to women, and men will listen to you more in business meetings.

Thanks NBA Network! It's been a long time since I've had my insecurities played on so obviously. For the record, I will not be buying any of these products...though that Slap Chop does look tempting.

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